K
knightsoftheround
Guest
Ooh, nice to see. I've always liked Hojo in the love to hate sort of way.
{CLOUD}“Yeah, I remember…”{CHOICE} You were selling flowers{CHOICE} You're the slum drunk <<<<
“I don't remember a thing.”
Might I suggest removing the word "mother" from the second sentence in this line? Instead, make it look like this?Code: [Select]Code:“As a specimen,she is inferior to her mother. She's still being evaluated against her mother, Ifalna,but for now the discrepancy is 18%.”
"As a specimen, she is inferior to her mother. She's still being evaluated against Ifalna, but for now the discrepancy is 18%."
"As a specimen, she is inferior to her mother. She's still being evaluated against Ifalna, but for now the discrepancy is 18%."
“As a specimen,she is inferior to her mother,Ifalna. I am still evaluating the difference,but for now the discrepancy is 18%.”
It is up to the writers what they want. No translator has the right to change names or facts (without permission). And that's the end word on that. ;DIn principle I object as strongly as is possible to the 'translation' of the nomenclature at all (even by a competent person). I wonder why a translator should think himself called on or entitled to do any such thing. That this is an 'imaginary' world does not give him any right to remodel it according to his fancy, even if he could in a few months create a new coherent structure which it took me years to work out. [...] May I say at once that I will not tolerate any similar tinkering with the personal nomenclature. Nor with the name/word Hobbit.
{CLOUD}“Yeah,I saw my mum.”------------------------------{CLOUD}“She… was full of energy. Hadn't changed at all.”{NEW}“A few days later,she died…”{NEW}“But when I saw her, she was better than ever.”------------------------------{CLOUD}“Uh?”------------------------------“Yes?”------------------------------“{CLOUD}!?”------------------------------“Welcome home, {CLOUD}!”------------------------------{CLOUD}“Hi,Mum.”------------------------------“Come,come… Let your mum take a good look at you!”------------------------------“Hmmm…”------------------------------“You look so charming.”------------------------------“So this is a Soldier uniform?”------------------------------{CLOUD}“Mum,I…”------------------------------“Are you eating properly?”------------------------------{CLOUD}“I'm fine. The company takes care of me.”------------------------------“Oh?”{NEW}“I know you can't cook…”{NEW}“I've been worried sick about you.”------------------------------“Hey,{CLOUD}…”------------------------------“But you see,{CLOUD}…”------------------------------“…What do you think,{CLOUD}?”------------------------------“Remember… I'll always be there for you.”
{CLOUD}“Yeah, I saw my mom.”------------------------------{CLOUD}“My mom…she was a vibrant woman. Hadn't changed at all.”{NEW}“But a few days later, she died…”{NEW}“But when I saw her, she looked fine.”------------------------------{CLOUD}“Uh?”------------------------------“Yes?”------------------------------“{CLOUD}!?”------------------------------“Welcome home, {CLOUD}!”------------------------------{CLOUD}“Hi, Mom.”------------------------------“Come, come… Let me take a look at you!”------------------------------“Hmmm…”------------------------------“You look so handsome.”------------------------------“So is this a SOLDIER uniform?”------------------------------{CLOUD}“…Mom, I…”------------------------------“Are you eating right?”------------------------------{CLOUD}“I'm all right. The Company takes care of me.”------------------------------“Is that so?”{NEW}“I know you can't cook…”{NEW}“I've been worried sick about you.”------------------------------“{CLOUD}?”------------------------------“You know, {CLOUD}…”------------------------------“…isn't that right, {CLOUD}?”------------------------------“I'll always be your mother…”
I'd go with the second, as well. Eliminates ambiguity and repetition and keeps meaning.I saw that.. but I didn't want to leave ambiguity.
Tested this on someone who doesn't know the game, and they couldn't work out what Ifalna was from the above text. So the above change leaves ambiguity there that wasn't there before.... it may be the lesser of 2 evils though. Other variations also sound pretty bad.
edit 2.
OK here are the possibilities. Choose one:
Code: [Select]Code:"As a specimen, she is inferior to her mother. She's still being evaluated against Ifalna, but for now the discrepancy is 18%."
Code: [Select]I think second works better.Code:“As a specimen,she is inferior to her mother,Ifalna. I am still evaluating the difference,but for now the discrepancy is 18%.”
I agree! Your re-wording of suggestion I made not only keeps the flow going, but loses none of the information in the process. Awesome!I'd go with the second, as well. Eliminates ambiguity and repetition and keeps meaning.