-Zell could still could use a little less "Jeff Spicoli" vibe ("Yo!", "WOAH!!", "Sooo cool!", "Yeahh, baby!"). His character is so one-dimensional and if he could break out of this 90s skater mold, he might be a little more interesting character
I see what you’re saying about Zell. With him, as with all the characters, I am always on the fence between trying to improve him, and trying to retain the core of who he originally was. As of yet, I don’t think I have a strong vision for who he is beyond what the vanilla script presented to us.
If you think that his dialogue could use improvement, I will definitely see what I can do!
-Fujin/Raijin were always annoying and you changed some of their dialogue for the better (filling in some of the gaps, the Sorceress telling them to look for Lunatic Pandora.) However, the way they talk is something I would consider modifying. "Ya Know" and the "ALL CAPS" thing never made any sense to me and seemed like a bad decision by the translators. (I’m not fluent in Japanese, but I know that Raijin’s “YA KNOW” is an imperfect translation of “Desu-yo,” which is not so easily translated since it implies a subtle assertion of fact. “Desu-yo” is more subtle than the obnoxious “ya know” in English. In English, it sounds completely weird and unnatural.) This could be an opportunity to change them for the better.
I have also always taken issue with Fujin and Raijin. But I was very cautious about changing speech patterns. (Including NORG’s hyphenated diction) I was concerned that I might end up destroying something unique about a character for no good reason.
I have no problem eliminating the ‘ALL CAPS’ for Fujin, but I think any changes to her speech patterns would require a fundamental change in her character. And I want to stay clear of anything like that without a very good reason.
For Raijin, I’ve thought about changing his line to something like “Right?” or “Huh?”. I’m not a Japanese speaker, but I think the real problem isn’t what he says, it’s how poorly written his dialogue is in general. His catch phrase is meant to be a cheap substitute for strong characterization, and I guess it succeeds at that. I may just tone down how many times he uses the line, and make sure that when he does use it, that it feels natural.
Side note:
Did you happen to catch the dialogue from the three students in the cafeteria? I edited all of their dialogue, too. They now provide more in-depth contextual commentary at 4 different points in the game. Their conversation at the start of the game provides a bit of backstory for Raijin and Fujin.
I wasn’t sure if that dialogue would be too obscure, and if it would be missed by a lot of people. But I had hoped it might help justify some of their behavior throughout the game. Let me know what you think!
-I wish the Squall/Quisty romantic tension could have been developed a little more. We were getting somewhere with the post-dance exchange
I agree. And all I can say is, I tried.
If I were actually writing a fanfiction, Quistis would be the love interest, or at least a contender, like Tifa/Aerith. I think that I speak for a lot of people when I say that her character had the greatest potential, and it was completely squandered. Her development was MIA for the entire game after disc 1. I have looked for every opportunity the game allows to provide her with depth. Unfortunately, there are almost no scenes where she speaks directly with Squall after the post-dance exchange. The game actively rejects the notion of any further romantic tension. All setup, no payoff…
Perhaps I could review her dialogue along with Zell’s, and see what I can do. I might be able squeeze in several flirtatious asides. They would most likely be one-way, though. It’s a far cry from what I would like, but it might be better than nothing.
Did you like her lines in the Flashback/Basketball Court scene? It’s about the best I could do to flesh her out later in the game.
-I know you didn't do anything with Laguna yet, but I hope you can improve some of his lame dialogue
Laguna sequences are coming! I have just finished my first draft of those scenes, and I like what I have so far.
-"Your breath stinks!" I was hoping you could change this lame insult Squall delivers to his torturers
You’re right. That line is juvenile. I decided to keep the lines about the SeeDs/flowers as they were. I think that’s pretty funny, and I always choose that option. But I should find a better insult for the other choice.