I think that Skillster's post deserves an answer, especially since I've never talked about this before. And seeing how things are going, I won't be around to explain much longer. ...if you wonder why I'm still here, it's because I haven't finished all the arrangements. They'll take few days.
...and yes, I'm the same person. Duh.
Mind you, I never had any problems with Jari H (if it is him, the one from ffsf.cjb.net), I noticed in the last 2 years when he left and then came back he had massively changed persona.
That's what dealing with idiots does to you. Two particular idiots, in this case. It takes away your faith in humanity.
It was pretty much a series of unfortunate coincidences. Like I said way up there, I told Qhimm that I didn't want to moderate anymore and even told why... at least I
think that I did, not sure anymore; I felt that I could not be objective about Rubicant because frankly... he was being an ass. He
tried to aggravate me on purpose on almost every chance he got for 6 months and enlisted his little helper to do the same.
I got PMs about the smallest freaking things ever, because they were not like his royal assness would have liked.
You might remember that back then the titles were much more of an indication of respect than actual jobs. So, I'm sure that Qhimm didn't mean it in a bad way when he didn't want to let me go. He did pick Aaron to moderate, to relieve some of stress... I had originally suggested replacing me with Aaron.
So, when the situation escalated, I did the only thing I saw possible - left. And ever since - even though it
is unreasonable and I don't really
think so - I've had this little devil inside my head, occasionally telling me that I was wronged back then. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold grudges about it, but sometimes it does pop into my mind.
As far as the Nori-thing goes, I love her dearly and wish her all the best, but it does feel terribly unfair that she's going away without giving me chance to redeem myself in any way. It's a horrible fate for anyone and if you consider the fact that I think of her as my best friend - the person I could and did confide in, who helped me when I needed help and so forth... you might realize how much it hurts.
Yes, I did hurt her, absolutely. But I don't think that I hurt her so much that I deserve eternal suffering for it.
Think of it for yourself; you hurt your best friend - by accident even - and you are
never given chance to redeem yourself or forgiviness. Try to imagine how it feels. I can not forgive myself for doing what I did - even if it was an accident and misunderstanding, because I had promised myself that I would never hurt her. That is why I so desperately need her forgiveness.
And I'm sorry to say, but this pain must stop. I can not take any more of it. If she can't forgive me I won't think any less of her, but I will have to make the pain stop myself. I'm sorry, but there's no other way, this thing has already ruined the past three months. I can't take anymore.
EDIT: One more thing; Nori, whatever happens, I thank you for everything. The list is too long for this post, but I'll say the most important one; thank you for being a great friend, best I ever had.
and thanks for all the help over the last 3 years.. appreciated very much! ^^.
.
