What is friendship?

[M0T]

I read no mocking, thanks for the advice.

I am just a bit wary of her, because the ex was similar:

She spent a lot of time telling me she loved me and fancied me, then going cold and telling me she we were just friends. In the end I didn't know what to think and the way she behaved ruined our relationship. I'm worried that a similar things might happen here.

 

[Emerald Weapon]

I am just a bit wary of her, because the ex was similar:

She spent a lot of time telling me she loved me and fancied me, then going cold and telling me she we were just friends. In the end I didn't know what to think and the way she behaved ruined our relationship.

Good thing to hold back a little in the beginning. Better to prevent getting hurt, then actually experiencing it. Don't let it constrain you too much though. If you do that, she might see it as you rejecting her by not responding to her. Just take it easy, get to know eachother better, before deciding to "make it official".

I'm worried that a similar things might happen here.

Thing is, stuff like that can happen anytime, and always. And it doesn't even have to be your fault. Don't worry too much, there's enough to worry about already. (Like, how's my hair? Do these clothes match? Do I smell good :wink Fun thing for me te say, considering the way I usually dress.

 

[M0T]

A Bit?? She's almost screaming it! You've got yourself a date. Don't be so insecure, just gor for it, go see a movie and see where the evening ends. She asked you to find out if it was in your local theatre, because she wants to go with you alone. Don't even bother thinking about her friends.

It has now turned in to a how many people can she invite along thing. To say I am dissapointed is an understatement.

 

[Sad Jari]

It's beertime for you, again:

 

[M0T]

I am in fact drunk, so beertime has been arrived at.

I'm not going to go, I don't think it is particularly fair to do what she has done. Plus she now expects me to wait on msn all day tomorrow until she comes on to sort it out, I have better things to do.

 

[Emerald Weapon]

It has now turned in to a how many people can she invite along thing. To say I am dissapointed is an understatement.

WTF? Really?

Okay, I officially don't get this girl. All the signs point in one direction, and then she does something like this. It could just be insecurity and backing out at the very last moment, but I doubt it. 

I fear you might just be right, she may very well be playing with you. If you don't want to be "tormented" any longer, confront her. Otherwise it will continue.

If it turns out she was plating with you all along, dump her. Both a a friend and a lover. She's not worth it.

I wouldn't know what else to say. I'm quite through all the advice I've ever given. You've, or rather she's, got me puzzled.

EDIT:

I'm not going to go, I don't think it is particularly fair to do what she has done. Plus she now expects me to wait on msn all day tomorrow until she comes on to sort it out, I have better things to do.

Right you are. She can go and get lost in the woods of Eternal I-don't-give-a-crap.

 

[M0T]

Now it turns out it is just us again...

WTF??

 

[Emerald Weapon]

Now it turns out it is just us again...

WTF??

*Stares amazed at screen*

I really, really DO NOT get this anymore! Well, then have fun together, but be careful with whatever you do and say. No one can be sure what she wants now.

*Wonders who invented the female brain....*

 

[M0T]

I spoke to her again last night. We are going to a theatre in the city because she's working up there that day. I asked her what time we should meet and she says around 5:30, then she asks if I want to come up earlier so we can go to dinner as well. I say yes, obviously. Then I get this:

'Would you like to go to a pub after, we have a friend djing there so it will be cool'

Now I don't have a friend that djs in any pubs, so I wonder who she is referring to with the we bit. So I say:

'Have you asked someone else along too?'

She didn't reply and talked about something else. So slightly later on I then said:

'Who is coming with us to the cinema?'

Again she didn't reply and just started talking about something else. So I sent her a text messages asking her who else she had invited and she hasn't responded. I am not going now since it looks to me like she has invited someone along. Added to the fact that most of her friends do not like me and make it well known that they don't like me, even if she hadn't made it out to be some kind of date I wouldn't want to go out with any of them.

Anyway I am going to be out all day today, and she will be working most of tomorrow so I won't be able to talk to her to confirm anything anyway so I may be able to get out of this by just ignoring it.

 

[Sad Jari]

Well... could it be that she's actually bit scared and wants her friends there as chaperons, in case things don't go as she had hoped?

 

[M0T]

So I met up with her, got pizza and sat in Trafalgar square then went to the cinema, everything was going really well until we were going back to this pub for a drink. She gets a text then replies then asks me if I mind going to this other club because her friends are there. Turns out the only person she actually knew was this guy who I used to go to school with, and she completely ignored me once we got there.

I think the only reason she invited me was so she could get a lift home, if her 'friend' hadn't already been there then she would probably have just gone straight home. When I got back to hers she just got out of the car and said bye, not even a friendly hug or anything.

 

[Midgar]

You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   

 

[M0T]

You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   

She doesn't like me so much that in the end she was desperate to see me? So desperate in fact she got her parents to agree to let me park on their drive all day so I wouldn't have to leave early. Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.

 

[Midgar]

Hey, you don't fight fire with fire if you like them... Were they that engaged? And with all these red flags, I suppose she is hot but you don't want to let go of her. I liked a girl and she acted like she liked me too for a while. Then I think I sent a red flag when I said I was poor. >_<

 

[Emerald Weapon]

You're overthinking it. Its quite obvious she doesn't like you.   

She doesn't like me so much that in the end she was desperate to see me? So desperate in fact she got her parents to agree to let me park on their drive all day so I wouldn't have to leave early. Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.

I'm going to have to go with Midgar on this, judging from the story so far. This girl is, IMHO, pretty messed up. It's not going to work this way...

Just seemed to run out of steam at the end, although she did admit to being ill before we got to the club and I spent most of my time talking to someone else anyway, so it was probably as much my fault as it was hers.

I don't think it was your fault. Even though I wasn't there, the way she treated you, the wanting to go to another pub, no kiss or hug, it all points in the same direction. Oh and the "admitting to be ill" sounds very fishy to me.
She's keeping you tied, like her dog. (No offence). She does things like this, which upset you to the point where you've had enough, and then she plays the "desperate" card. In this case getting her parents to agree. It's all too obvious and you can see straight through it.

So, what is left for you to do is quite simple: Get her out of your head.

That however is not that simple at all.

 

[mirex]

I don't think its too strange to see friends on a date, it can lighten atmosphere if either of you are a little stiff, but you should leave from the friends after some time and continue on the date as a pair.
But its strange that she's lying to you / not telling everything. Ask yourself if you want such person to be your dearest. And after that tell her all what you came up with while thinking. Girls like this kind of true-hearted talk and she will probably also tell you what does she feel about you.

 

[M0T]

Hmmm, about 30 seconds after I posted that message she sent me a message checking if I got back ok and saying she had a great time (20 minutes after I dropped her home). Today she messaged and said she wanted to go with me again and theres lots of stuff she wants to see at the cinema. She then sent another message asking if I wanted to come out with her tonight (can't because its my mates 20th) then she asked me when I was starting work and would be free to see her again.

So, hmmmm.

 

[spyrojyros_tail]

Ho ho holy shit man!! This is giving me a brain tumor just reading about what she is doing to you, i swear i can feel it growing!! Anyway my two cents on this situation...

Visit: http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Have a read there and then have a think about it. (I never read it fully, but alot of it made sense)

I can definitly say that this girl is dragging this out too much, and leaving you in the dark for way too long! (there is usually a reason for this, and its usually something you wont want to know about). This whole thing about "its a date, no wait, its not a date, no wait it is!! but can you come with me while i chat to some other guy" is not what a relationship is about, or even starts with! If your ever are interested in a girl there is one quote that will get you through... never let the tail wag the dog.... if you have an interest in this girl and she isnt showing one back (to be clear on this, and interest on her side is holding your hand, play fighting, hugging and small smooches) then ignore her, forget about it and look elsewhere. Dont waste your time, you make the desicion instead of leaving it up to her. (Even if that desicion is "screw you, im gonna get drunk and score some randomer, dont waste my time you ass").

Your just infatuated man, you need to care less, and she knows that you are nuts about her. I would say in her eyes, you are the backup. I was camping at a music festival this weekend and three hot girls came into our tent (we were all pretty drunk at this stage and didnt care too much about scoring) so we just took the complete piss out of them, told them to get the fuck out of our tent. Who came back the next morning? Three hot girls!! Im not saying I understand girls man, this has just been my experience. (oh, and my mate scored with one of them)

One thing I do know about girls is that they pay way more attention to you when you are going out with someone else, that, as strange as it sounds, is a fact! Oh yeah, and you can never have a normal relationship when you want to have sex with the other person. ("God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to operate one at a time" - Robin Williams).

 

[M0T]

My mate reckons she didn't do anything in the car because she expected me to get out and walk her to her door, she got out and stood there for a minute just looking at me whilst I sorted out the radio, I thought she had walked off. Thinking about it she may have sent me the message because she thought I was upset with her (which I was, and I told her so and she apologised).

I went out last night and got plastered and still didn't want to go after anyone else, I just want her. I have known her since november, when I was still going out with someone else which is why I didn't ask her out as soon as I met her. That breakup was pretty messy and she said it was clear that I wasn't ready to go out with anyone for ages, I reckon about March was when I stopped mentioning her. After that I went away for a week, uni ended so we didn't get to see each other all the time, we have had exams and both been revising alot and not going out a whole lot, so whilst I have known her quite a while it doesn't feel like it really.

It really came down to a conversation we had just over a week ago, when she asked me if I still wanted the other girl and I said no, after that was when it all started. Before that point it was a lot more sporadic in terms of affection from her. She always used to give me the impression that she talked to me because she was bored, never spoke about herself and just kept me at arms length. Recently she has been telling me how great I am and how much she likes me, and has been desperate to see me.

I know how I feel about her is genuine, not just a silly crush or anything, which is why this is so hard.

 

[M0T]

Right I give up, she just messaged me asking if I wanted to go to a roller disco she was organising, then said that the only reason she went to the cinema with me was because she couldn't find anyone else. She also revealed that she had been at home all night using the computer but didn't want to talk to me and she might speak to me later. Sounds to me like she is saying she is doing me some kind of favour, either that or she is trying to upset me because I wasn't able to see her yesterday when she seemed to want me to (I found out that she asked me to go out to this bar with her and her friends last night, but because I wasn't there she didn't go) and ever since I have known her she has been really childish like that (if she has a problem with somene she ignores them and does things to try and get back at them rather than sorting it out).

I think the best course of action here would be to delete her msn, remove her number from my phone and ignore any texts that come in.

Last night I got chatted up by a lesbian, that made more sense than this does.