[FF7PC-98/Steam] Multiple mods and Modding Framework-The Reunion [R06f]

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“As a Shin-Ra scholar,he researched  the mysteries of the Ancients. He was an  incredibly honest and sincere person,and  not at all what you’d expect from Shin-Ra.”{NEW}
There should not be a comma before "and" in the second sentence unless both sides could also stand alone... but I'm not convinced this should be "and" at all. This reads like it needs an em dash.
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No love for the oxford comma? I think this could go both ways in the sense that a pause could be made before the 'and'
 
I feel this is less clear than the older line. It reads like a list. He was:
A. an expert
B. visited us

Almost reads as "he was visited us". These thoughts are not super closely connected and may have been better as two sentences. Alternatively, "Professor Gusto was an expert on the Ancients who visited us from time to time."
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This may be regional, as it sounds completely natural to me. But I am thinking more along the lines of it being obvious why he would visit them.  It isn't that he is some random person visiting a random place - It's Cosmo Canyon, and he is visiting because of the Ancients. To gain knowledge. But this could just be a regional thing, in which case perhaps "who" is better.

There should not be a comma before "and" in the second sentence unless both sides could also stand alone... but I'm not convinced this should be "and" at all. This reads like it needs an em dash.
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I was unsure about this one because I was under the impression that "not at all what you would expect from Shin-Ra" was a complete sentence. It's a tough one. Don't we use commas all the time before "not" as well?

Edit. Oh... that said...  I am using an em-dash there already :P It's just I have to wait for one to be put on the font.

This sentence, though not wrong, is more comma-heavy than it needs to be. I'd recommend swapping the first , for a ! and making it two sentences.
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Yeah, you're right. That's usually the way it's meant to be.  Corrected.
 
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No love for the oxford comma? I think this could go both ways in the sense that a pause could be made before the 'and'
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This isn't an oxford comma. That's only for lists. When it's conjoining sentence clauses like this and used with "and", it depends on whether they could stand alone.

I was under the impression that "not at all what you would expect from Shin-Ra" was a complete sentence.
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This sentence has no subject. A complete sentence might be "That's not at all what you would expect from Shin-Ra", with "that" being the subject, "is" being the predicate verb.
 
I really am close to release day... just a few really minor niggles.  And, of course, new issues popping up haha.  The latest is the Avalanche Hideout... where Tifa appears at the bottom out of nowhere. The pinball machine does not go back up for her and the script programmer just didn't bother to program  it in from what I can see.


29:11  in the above video. She comes from nowhere :P  The Pinball machine is not very consistent either... Nobody knows how it returns to the surface sometimes and not others.  But sod me working a way around that. Blame the script programmer and writers.

I will fix the Tifa from nowhere issue, though.
 
Hm, do you think she couldn't have jumped down? Biggs, Jesse and Wedge do the same earlier. Granted it's barely off-camera enough, IMO.
 
Nah.  It's a mistake by the script programmer - deliberate or otherwise. She is placed at the bottom in script, and there is no way she "jumps" down (unless that was the intention but even then it's not implemented right).  In fact, that whole jumping thing is a very poor idea too, because they'd be seriously injured, or land on Barrett's head.
 
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Spoke to Luksy and finally got this scene as it should be. Here's what's happening:

a. She is talking to herself. At one point she realizes Cloud has heard her.
b. In the first dialogue she is talking about the bomb and wondering if it should cause that much damage. Luksy says it's a dialogue to show how she is having first doubts about whether what Avalanche is doing is right. She then reasons that she followed the instructions on the computer, but perhaps made a mistake (which would account for the damage being so great).  She didn't make a mistake, it's just she is taken aback by the power of the explosion. That's pretty hard to get across, but I've tried.
c. In the second dialogue she is talking about how it's only right to pay Cloud because there was a verbal agreement. She worries about Avalanche's finances and reasons she will have to check them again in light of the fact Cloud will be paid a lot of money.

This exchange hasn't been localized properly until now.

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Jessie“Oops…”{NEW}“Hey, look at the news… What a blast.”{NEW}“Think it was all because of my bomb? But all I really did was just make it like the computer told me.”{NEW}“Oh no! I must've made a miscalculation somewhere.”------------------------------Jessie“Hey, that was my first bomb. Makes me kinda proud.”------------------------------Jessie“Money…”{NEW}“Oh my. It must have been for a lot of it.”{NEW}“Sure! Well, what the hell? It's a verbal agreement. Now let me figure this out.”------------------------------“Oh stop it, {CLOUD}! Did you hear me?”
R04:
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#xy 176 88Jessie“(Oopsie!)”{NEW}“(Hey,look at the news…  What a blast!)”{NEW}“(Was that really  because of my bomb?)”{NEW}“(All I did was follow  instructions on the  computer.)”{NEW}“(Oh no!  Have I miscalculated?)”------------------------------#xy 168 88Jessie“(Still,it was a great little bomb.  Made me feel proud.)”------------------------------#xy 168 8Jessie“(Money…)”{NEW}  (…Well,a lot was  promised,after all.)”{NEW}“(Yeah,definitely!  It was an agreement.)  Now,time to figure this out…”------------------------------#xy 192 16Jessie(Oh no,it’s {CLOUD}!  I think he heard me!)
R05:
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#xy 176 88Jessie“(Wow! Look at the news…  What a blast.)”{NEW}“(Should it really do that  much damage,though?)”{NEW}“(I followed all the  instructions on here.)”{NEW}“(…Unless I made a mistake?)”------------------------------#xy 168 88Jessie“(Still,it was a good bomb.  Made me feel proud.)”------------------------------#xy 168 8Jessie“(Money…)”{NEW}  (Well,a lot was  promised,after all.)”{NEW}“(Yeah,definitely!  It was an agreement.)”{NEW}“(Looks like I’ll have to check  on the finances again now,too.)”------------------------------#xy 192 16Jessie(Oh no! It’s {CLOUD}!  I think he heard me.)
I am not sure if "check on the finances" sounds right to an American.
 
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I still don't really understand this part:

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“(Money…)”{NEW}  (Well,a lot was  promised,after all.)”{NEW}“(Yeah,definitely.  It was an agreement.)”{NEW}“(Looks like I’ll have to check  on the finances again now,too.)”
Why does she suddenly start talking about money? Could she be chatting with someone on the screen (or reading an e-mail), maybe the person who supplied the components for the bomb? Or is she debating whether she should ask to be paid when the bomb she made wasn't to specification?

Edit: Oh sorry, I skipped to the retranslation and didn't read point c. I guess that makes sense, the dialogue is still a bit confusing to read though.

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“(Should it really do that  much damage,though?)”{NEW}
Hmm, could that be "Should it really have done that much damage, though?" or doesn't that fit the Japanese? Maybe "Is it really supposed to do that much damage, though"? That line sounds a bit odd to me right now.
 
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As for the former, she doesn't suddenly start talking about it. She's overheard the argument between Cloud and Barrett and then starts talking to herself about it. As for the latter - either is ok. But I think my way is more natural in that circumstance - she is talking about the current news report and she is also making a new bomb. People don't use past tense much in these circumstances. I certainly wouldn't. But, again, either is fine.  It's meant to be a bit confusing to read because she's talking to herself. It's a strange dialogue you wouldnt normally see. She isn't having a discussion with anyone.

The reason this one has not been localized properly until now is precisely because of its confusing nature. It's odd in the Japanese, too.
 
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As for the former, she doesn't suddenly start talking about it. She's overheard the argument between Cloud and Barrett and then starts talking to herself about it.
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Ahh, okay, that makes a lot more sense than :)

People don't use past tense much in these circumstances. I certainly wouldn't.
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I totally would there, but maybe that's just me ;) Either way, not a big deal.
 
I am not sure if "check on the finances" sounds right to an American.
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It sounds wrong to me, but mostly because "check on" implies that all she's doing is looking. If she's handling Avalanche's finances entirely, she might say something more along the lines of "I'll have to update our budget".
 
Check on finances doesn't mean literally just look at them - it's kinda implied when we use this phrase that it means "amend and update if needed".  Not sure if that is same in America.
 
Check on finances doesn't mean literally just look at them - it's kinda implied when we use this phrase that it means "amend and update if needed".  Not sure if that is same in America.
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It really isn't. In the US, the phrase "check on" is generally used to mean "find out the status". Check on dinner, you're seeing if it's finished cooking yet. Check on your order, you're seeing if it's shipped yet. It's less about taking action and more about learning what's going on to find out if action needs taken. Sometimes action will be taken if necessary (check on dinner, find the kitchen is in smoke, obviously you're gonna do something about it), but it's not necessarily implied enough to work in America.

Although I actually have a bigger problem with "the finances"; I would think "our finances" would work better as it's more specific and clearer she's talking about Avalanche's finances and not, say, the current stock reports or something.
 
Yeah must be different in UK.  Here "the" would also be more natural than "our" and it would be obvious that she meant their finances. Either is OK though in UK.   I had a feeling it would not work in America though, so I must be learning  :P
 
Huh. I guess it's a regional thing in America too, considering that I always say "check on" to refer both to checking the status and fixing or changing if need be, and so does everyone else I know.
But, either way, the R05 one is pretty good. I'm looking forward to it so I can use it one the PSX version (and hopefully the PC version once I have something other than this craptop)
 
I guess I can get away with leaving check then :) 

"Time to check our budget..." 

Will be the new line.
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Jessie“(Money…)”{NEW}  (Well,a lot was  promised,after all.)”{NEW}“(Yeah,definitely!  It was an agreement.)”{NEW}“(Time to check our budget…)”
 
I think where she says "made me feel proud"  should be "makes".  She wouldn't say it was a good little bomb but not currently be proud, right?
 
I suppose either is something someone would say.  The "made" wouldn't be literally "it made me then but not now" - but perhaps "makes" is a little better here. Amended.

Also one other very final amendment:

“(I guess this means I’ll
  have to review our budget…)”

and

“(Should there really have been
  so much damage,though?)”{NEW}
 
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