Perfect example of how your translation could be called a sterilization. Was no purpose to the change you made, other than to make Cloud sound less authentic. You aren't even consistent about it... You change "''em", I guess because phonetic abbreviations bother you? But you leave "gonna". 'Em isn't necessarily just for "them" it's also the way it sounds when you leave the h off him because you're in a hurry while you are speaking.
I'll see whose is best between you and hellbringer and use those! 8) I don't have anything to start you with though.. To look like the playstation counterparts. Shin-Ra in this context is singular so "was" is appropriate. Otherwise it makes Shin-Ra sound like a race (e.g. the Cetra).
Bugenhagen“Reaching up into the heavens, threatening to snatch the very stars from the great city of Midgar. You've seen it, haven't you?”------------------------------Bugenhagen“Well, that's a bad example. Looking up too much makes you lose perspective.”Bugenhagen“You've seen it,haven't you? The great Mako metropolis which reaches up to the heavens,built to grasp at the very stars themselves.”------------------------------Bugenhagen“It sets a bad example.Looking up all of the timemakes you lose perspective.”{RED XIII}“They have come here on a journey to save the planet.”{NEW}“Why don't you show them your apparatus?”------------------------------Bugenhagen“Ho Ho Hoooo. To save the planet? Ho Ho Hoooo!”{RED XIII}“{CLOUD} and the others are on a journey to save the planet.”{NEW}“Why don't you show them your machine?”------------------------------Bugenhagen“Ho,ho,hoooo. Save the planet!? Ho,ho,hoooo!”{NEW}“I'm afraid that's impossible. What could mere humans hope to accomplish?”Elder Hargo“I hope great Bugenhagen will take care and not overexert himself.”{NEW}“'Ho Ho Hoooo.' I may be light, But I'm not as young as Nanaki.”{NEW}“Oops. That will only get you angry. You're just like me. Ho ho ho.”Elder Hago“Please take care not to overexert the great Bugenhagen.”{NEW}“He might laugh it off with a "Ho,ho,hoooo",but he's no spring chicken like Nanaki…”{NEW}“Ah,he'd probably get cross at me for saying that. We're not all that different,you know. Ho,ho,ho.”While that IS true, was there anything non-standard about the original Japanese? If not, then it's something you're adding and takes away from accuracy, which you're REALLY striving for. Grammar does work quite differently between the languages, but there are still enough differences to be comparable to inaccurate speaking in English.
Bugenhagen“Were Shin-Ra trying to use Materia, as a weapon?”{NEW}“Materia are concentrated spiritual energy, shards of the planet's life. They are not to be used as weapons.”{NEW}“We must stop them… the planet is already too weak as it is…”Gosh no kidding, and it fits the story much better.
Yeah it's absolutely intentional.
Whoever originally translated the above for some reason skimmed over "はマテリア" (Materia) in the first line, and also missed the "させ" (causative) part in the second to last line, they were probably reading too fast.